Having A Moment

I don’t say it often, but I’m saying it now.

It’s not fair…

It’s not fair that cancer exists and that it ended up in your body.

It’s not fair that you ate healthy and exercised and took great care of yourself and still cancer got the best of you.

It’s not fair that I drove 8 hours to be at your bedside and talk you through planning your funeral and discussing your last wishes.

It’s not fair that I held your hand and rubbed your cheek and told you that it was ok to leave us.  It wasn’t ok but I couldn’t tell you that, I would have been selfish.

It’s not fair that I couldn’t be selfish.

It’s not fair that you met such an amazing man and had a beautiful baby and then you had to leave them.

It’s not fair that they continue to move through this life missing you and trying to find someone to fill your shoes.

It’s not fair that you wore such damn big shoes.

It’s not fair that you gave me the task of creating a scrapbook for your son and that I’ve been avoiding it because I can’t bring myself to cut up pictures of you.

It’s not fair that you are never on the other end of the phone when I need you.  That you won’t be on the receiving end of a message on Facebook.

It’s not fair that I’ll never see your smile again or hear your laugh.

It’s not fair that you are missing moments.  Moments that are important to your son, to your nephews, to your husband, to me.

It’s not fair that you have been gone almost 4 years and I can still cry like I just got that phone call all over again.

It’s not fair that I miss you, so much it hurts.

Advertisements

About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Having A Moment

  1. Debbi Henry says:

    Oh Heather, it just isn’t fair at all. I’m sending huge hugs and lots of prayers your way. I wish I could do more to take away your pain…

  2. Elastamom says:

    It’s not fair at all. And sometimes it’s good to say that, to get it all out.

  3. Pingback: Holiday Recap | Brotherly Love

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s