Tuesday afternoon last week my phone rang. I was in the middle of something and didn’t hear it vibrate. I went to check it later and had missed 2 calls from the boys’ school. There was a message. My heart sunk thinking that one of my guys was sick or hurt and needed me. I pushed the button to retrieve the voicemail.
I heard the voice of Eli’s teacher saying she would email me more information but wanted me to know that there had been some incidences at school that we needed to discuss. In the email she described that Eli had hit a boy in the head with his lunch bag while waiting for the bus. She shared that the boy had been kicking Eli and that both boys got in trouble for fighting and had to serve recess with her. She went on to state that during sensory Eli had threatened another child by telling the teacher “just wait until I get ammunition and then he’ll pay”. This time he served recess with the principal. Bullying is no joke in our district and I’m thankful for that.
When Eli came home from school we talked at length about it. He said he was just kidding about the ammo. It was just a joke. He said he fought back with the boy because he was kicking him. We talked about fighting and when to get a teacher. We talked about threats and how adults who do it can go to jail. Still he wasn’t understanding. He had served punishment at school and needed to serve some at home. Unfortunately we have been hearing a lot of this threatening kind of talk at home and we realized that we needed some help to deal with it.
The punishment… Before he could go trick-or-treating on Halloween he had to write letters of apology to his teacher, the sensory teacher and the principal. He had to do a good dead and talk with papa about what ammunition can do to a person. He wrote his letters with a lot of yelling and a lot of tears. He was embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to know what he’d done. He didn’t want to miss time to trick-or-treat. He didn’t want to do it. But we made him and he survived. Yesterday he went with papa to collect and take to a location blankets and coats to be sent east to help the victims of the hurricane. He had a talk with papa about what guns can do to people and why that kind of talk is not good. He seemed to get something out of it.
The help… Several weeks ago we got a letter from Eli’s worry doctor saying that she was moving out of state with her husband. She could no longer work with Eli. Things were going really well for him at the time so we didn’t think much of it. We were sad because she had done so much good for him. But, we were ok and feeling good at the moment. About 2 weeks after the letter all hell broke loose. After the phone call and email last week we set out to find someone new. Fortunately misery loves company and we have several friends who also have children with anxiety and behavioral issues. We lit up the text messages and came up with a few names. We have an appointment with a new worry doctor on Thursday of this week. My friend swears by him and her son is very similar to Eli. My fingers are crossed that it goes well and we can start to figure out where all of his recent anger is coming from.
Life has been stressful trying to get him to understand why his behavior is so concerning. Some of what he’s doing is typical boy stuff, I get that. But much of it is not. It has me worried in a way I’ve never been worried before. I’m feeling lost and uncertain of what to do, where to go from here. I’m hoping for some answers on Thursday, some hope that this will get better. I need reassurance that it’s all going to be ok.