Music does some amazing things.  It can help you to remember things your brain can’t seem to hang onto on its own.  Music can trigger a scent, a memory, a feeling.  Music is powerful.

“Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It’s amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn’t even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn’t even know had a particular smell.”

Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed

Tonight I was driving home from my weekly get away to the local library.  I turned on the radio and started jamming to LMFAO.  The techno dance mix of Party Rock was blasting away.  Suddenly I was there.

Flashing lights.  The wall of mirrors.  Cages on either side of the room where the pretty boys are lining up to show off what they’ve got.  The thumpa thumpa echos throughout our bodies.  We are sweating out the drinks we have been pounding all night, KoolAid shots, rum and cokes, beer, and whatever that concoction was you bought for us.  You’re in a mood.  A Madonna mood.  You NEED to hear Frozen.  The DJ isn’t listening.  He can’t hear you over the thumpa thumpa.  You lift me up onto your shoulders so I can scream at the DJ.  He yells at me to get down.  I keep yelling FROZEN at him.  Finally the lights go down.  You lower me to the floor.  That familiar opening sequence starts.  You roll your head back, feeling the beat, finding the rhythm, finding you.  And then, we dance.

I wanted to smile and cry all in the same heartbeat.

Paco, I haven’t thought about you in months.  You haven’t been in my mind nearly as much as you should have been.  Today it hit me how much I miss you, how much it hurts me that we never got to say our goodbyes.  You never really liked goodbyes much.  So, you got your way, as usual.

Tonight I thank you for the memory.  Somewhere I know you’re dancing it out in that big techno club in the sky.  You are leading the Pride parade in all your glory.  You are being the man that everyone knew and loved.  Tonight I danced a little crazy for you and shook my head at all those crazy club shirts you made me wear.  Thank you Paco for all the good times once upon a time.  I look forward to dancing with you again someday.


About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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2 Responses to Flashback

  1. Debbi Henry says:

    Paco sounds like an amazing man. May the good memories warm you heart…

  2. Elastamom says:

    Isn’t it amazing how that can happen? You’re right back in that moment…

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