I need to have it.
Long to have it.
Control is what holds me together… or is it?
I don’t do well in situations where I have to leave things to fate. Que Sera Sera, right? Not so much.
Today I was reminded of just how much control I lack and how much I still long to be holding the reins tightly.
Nothing serious. Nothing harmful, really. But that slap in the face reminder that I bundle my boys up daily and send them out of my home, out of my care, out of my control.
I have no control over what other children say or do. I have no control over what my children say or do. I have no control over how the adults around them interact with them. I must trust that everything will be ok.
There was an incident at school in which another child told Eli to say something. Eli repeated that something. There are extreme concerns over what was said. Teachers pulled several children aside, including Eli and the other child. Discussions were had over things that should and should not be said. Life goes on with no one hurt.
Except that now my mind is racing. Did Eli come up with these words on his own? If he did, where on earth did he learn about this? If he didn’t, do I let him keep playing with the child who told him to say these words? How ever do I help him understand a social concept that his mind already has difficulty grasping?
So I’m working to accept that there are things that are out of my control no matter what. I am putting trust in the adults around him. We are being the parents we were meant to be and keeping open communication.
This is one of many hurdles yet to come, I have no doubts. Scary as it is, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being a mother is all that I have hoped it would be. The scary moments only remind me of how very much I love them.