I wish…

that I didn’t take the things you say so very personally.  I know in my mind that you don’t really mean them.  You have difficulty expressing yourself when you are upset about something.  My heart has a tendency to forget that you do love me, that you don’t wish I was never born.

that you could tell your uncle with your words that you’re going to miss him more than anything, that you wish he’d come visit a little more often.  You tried to ignore him, perhaps to try to not feel it, perhaps to send a message to him.  Either way, your words didn’t come.

that you knew how to better play and negotiate with your peers.  You want to control the game.  You get worked up and can’t calm down.  You have difficulty expanding your play away from sensory based, Star Wars or Legos.

I’m grateful…

that you have words to use, that you’ve been speaking since you were slightly more than a year old.  I know many who don’t talk or took a long time to talk.  While your words don’t always meet your needs, you have them and they are precious.

that you have feelings so very strong that you can hardly express them properly.  I know children who don’t feel, who don’t connect.  You feel everything so deeply.  Your anger, your pain, your happy, your delight – you become encompassed with these emotions.

that you want to play with other children.  I know children who avoid others, who don’t want to engage with their peers.  You are typically the life of the party.  So many people know you and love you.

You are my challenge.  You are my joy.  I love you no matter what.

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About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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3 Responses to I wish…

  1. debbi henry says:

    Hugs Heather….I have always heard that our kids let their stress out on us because they know we love them no matter what, and they feel safe with us. So that means you are doing a great job and are a wonderful mother!

  2. Kate says:

    Our children hold mirrors up to our hearts and send shivers through our souls, requiring us to grow, demanding more than we were. What a gift each is.

  3. Elastamom says:

    So tough. Thank God he has the both of you to help him deal!

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