They strain out the bad, letting through only the good – only the wanted.

Many of us think about them when we are cooking.  Some of us think about them when we are changing the oil in our cars.  A few may even go so far as to think about them with reference to our drinking water.

There is another, more important, type of filter.

The filter of words.

Many of us have it.  That little Jiminy Cricket that tells us what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say.  Picture the devil on one shoulder, the angel on the other if you will.

Those diagnosed with social disabilities of varying types often don’t have a filter or their filter has large, gaping holes in it.

We have noticed over the course of the last week that Eli’s filter is completely nonfunctioning.  PDD-NOS can have that effect on a person.

Hurtful words have come out of his mouth without missing a beat.  More often than not he isn’t trying to be hurtful.  Typically he is simply speaking his mind.  He was looking through a book of pictures that Keegan’s friends drew for him.  Your friends can draw so much better than you, Keegan.  Very matter of fact.  Very detrimental to the soul.

Lately I’ve gotten the you’re not my ACTUAL mom comment.  He turns to my honey to complain about how mean I am.  No…  I did not give birth to him.  I love him as much as the 4 children I did give birth to.  There is no difference.  I treat them no differently.  The knife cuts straight through me.

I love my son with all my heart.  I will not let a bunch of diagnostic letters rule my son’s behaviors.

So we are addressing it.  We are walking through various behavior modification techniques – all very positive because we all typically respond better to positive reinforcement.  We started today.

And it was a good day.

There was no yelling.  There was gentle reminding.  There were unarguable consequences.  It was a truly lovely day.

We will build the filters little by little.  We are not aiming for perfection.  The world is not perfect.  We are certainly not perfect.

There will be rough days ahead but I believe there are more better days before us.


About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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2 Responses to Filters

  1. debbi henry says:

    Hugs Heather! Caleb said a few times that he hates me. It was a long time ago but it cut so deeply. Positive reinforcement sounds like a great way to handle things. I hope it continues to go well.

  2. Elastamom says:

    It’s so hard when your children aim those mean words at you. Even though you know they don’t mean it, it’s still hard to hear. I’m sure you and Jane will handle it perfectly!

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