As Long As I’m Living My Baby You’ll Be

Keegan slept.

He slept for 4.5 hours straight.  A new record since last Thursday.

He woke crying for meds and then went back to sleep.  Back to sleep before the impossible 20 minute wait for the meds to kick in was over.

And on Wednesday he ate through one smashed hard-boiled egg with butter, one cup of vanilla pudding, one mashed sweet potato with cinnamon and whip cream, one cup of Jell-O, one cup of Ramen Noodles.  His shrinking belly was full for the first time in a week.

The plus to all of this surgery and whining and crying and pain and misery and unhappy and anger?  Amazingly enough there is a plus, I promise.


Keegan is my snuggler.  He always has been.  One of his favorite games to play is Lazy Town where we snuggle under the covers in my bed and pretend that we’ll sleep the day away.  We lay close and he whispers to me all of his dreams, all of his ideas, all of the things that make him such a special boy.

This week the snuggling has been multiplied by 10 or maybe 100 at times.

He waits for me to get home everyday so we can rock-rock.

Today I couldn’t help but smile.  I walked in the door.  He was just waking up from a nap.  He looked up at me and said now mommy?  I didn’t understand what he wanted so I asked him what he was talking about.  You said we could rock-rock later and you went to boring work and now it’s later.  I simply smiled.  He got up, took my hand, led me to his bedroom and we climbed into his rocking chair together and I slowly rocked him, rubbed his back and sang to him.

I was taken to a scene in one of our all-time favorite children’s books.  The mother sneaks into her son’s room – her GROWN son’s room – picks him up and gently rocks him back and forth, back and forth.  While she rocks him she sings:

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

I’ve always felt that for my boys.

I’ve been cherishing the rocking in the chair that held me and each of my boys off and on throughout the past almost 7 years.  It has been such a trip down memory lane to think of a time when we both fit in that chair easily.  No legs completely folded up with a head resting on a shoulder and 2 arms wrapped around me.  It was a beautiful time.  But, this too has its place.

We are noticing an upswing in Keegan’s temperament, eating habits and general way he feels.  It tells me he’s healing.  It tells that we are nearing the end of this journey.  It tells me the days of rock-rocking will go by the wayside once again.

For now I’ll hold him close.  Smell his hair.  Feel his goodnight kiss on my cheek and his little arms giving a tight squeeze around my neck.  After all, it won’t be long before will be the one picking me up to rock me back and forth, back and forth.

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my mommy you’ll be.



About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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3 Responses to As Long As I’m Living My Baby You’ll Be

  1. debbi henry says:

    Awww, I love that book too. And it’s so true!

    I’m so glad to hear that he is on the upswing! It won’t be too long before he is off playing and running around again and it just too busy for those snuggles.

  2. I so understand! Miss D. quit cuddling the minute she began to crawl. It broke my heart. Luckily, Miss M. is a whiz in the cuddle department. Enjoy!

  3. Elastamom says:

    I always am (weirdly) a little happy when they’re sick and want to cuddle. So glad you are enjoying it!

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