Saturday morning I took our furry friend to the vet to be put to rest.
She was in pain. She was miserable. She acted like a puppy for the first time in more than a year.
The first technician to come into the room tried to save her. She tried to tell me we needed to try glucosamine with her. I shared with a heavy lump in my throat that we’d been doing that for 2 years now.
She shook her head, knowing that meant there was nothing else to do for our faithful friend except say goodbye.
The doctor came in and gave her the sedative. She tried to walk around for a while and then laid on the floor near me when her body became too heavy to be supported by her legs.
I sat on the floor next to her, as I have done so many times. I rubbed her head as she swung it back and forth. Her eyes tears as her lids drooped. Her mouth foaming with saliva. I was thankful in that moment that we had been strong mommies about saying no to the boys when they begged to be present for this experience.
The doctor came back when she was all but asleep and administered the medication that would end her suffering.
In that instant, so many memories came rushing back to me. Holding each of my babies as they took their last breaths. Kissing my sister’s forehead after her heart stopped beating.
I spent a few moments with her after she was gone. I paid the bill and headed home.
I walked through the front door trying to remain as strong as I could. Eli asked if she was dead. I told him yes. Keegan just came over to me crying, wanting to be held.
We snuggled on the couch for a bit. We talked about Sage and all she meant to us. We talked about where she was and who she was playing with.
Then Keegan asked to see pictures of Grace, Samuel and Spencer. I pulled out their scrapbook and looked at the pictures over and over. Finally he said that he was happy that Sagie would have kids to play with in heaven and he hoped they had a soccer ball for her. Oh, how she loved to play backyard soccer with the boys.
And so our day went on. Still tears were shed. We missed her hovering over popcorn bowls when we did movie night. Keegan called out for her when we arrived home after a birthday party today.
The change will continue to take some getting used to, I suspect. But we all agreed that it was better to have no Sage than the Sage we had who couldn’t run and play anymore and who needed to be helped outside and supported to get up off the floor.
Someday there will be a new dog to enter our lives and love us unconditionally. For now we’ll take our time mourning the loss of this one. She meant so very much to our family in so very many ways.