Don’t Walk Away

I watched you and you were amazing.

You started that new swim class even though you were really anxious about it and vowed you weren’t going to go.  You relaxed when your teacher told you to lay on your back in the water.  You swam in the deep end of the pool.  You jumped into the deep water with only a little hesitation.

I had tears of joy for you.  I couldn’t believe that you did all of it.  That you were ok to try something that, until this moment, terrified you.  And now you’re excited to do it again next week.  Excited to jump off the platform even.

I know now it was made easier by that young boy whom you also go to karate with.  Heaven was shining down on you when he was placed in your swim class!  I love that you remembered him and that you interacted with him.

He’s such a nice boy.  So calm, so polite, so sweet.

I watched you two together as you each waited for your sibling to participate in their respective classes.  You watched a little PBS together in order to find neutral conversation.  You put a puzzle together to solidify your interactions.  Then, you asked him to read to you.

I heard him ask you how old you were.  I smiled when you told him your age and then shared that you could only read small books.  He said he’d read the book you chose and you sat in the chair next to him.

You made a delightful audience as you stared intently at the book and hung on his every word.  The book ended and you each chose not to read another.

You sat next to each other in chairs.  He started a conversation with you about nicknames.  He whispered in your ear to tell you the “silly name” his mom and dad call him.  He was trying to be funny.  He was trying to get you to talk to him.  You walked away from him.  You walked away while he was talking to you so that you could come over to me to find out your nickname.

I answered your question to the best of my ability.  I reminded you that your friend was talking to you and that it was rude to walk away.  You said “oops” but I don’t know that you really got the idea.   When you turned to find him, he was gone.

It broke my heart to watch you.

I knew the social concerns existed.  I know what your teachers have been telling me for the past couple of years.

I finally witnessed it with my own eyes.

This PDD-NOS thing is not just a bunch of alphabet soup on a piece of paper meant for getting you an IEP.  No, this thing is so much bigger than that.

It makes you anxious when you’re around new people or in new situations.  It makes you talk about things that are only important to you.  It makes you quote movie lines verbatim.  It makes you use funny voices and repeat words over and over.  It makes you unable to carry on a back and forth conversation with anyone other than your closest of friends, and even that is quite difficult.

Today I saw all of the reasons I’ve been fighting so hard to get you the help you need, the help you deserve.

Today I saw who you are and I felt all the love that I have for you.


About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
This entry was posted in anxiety, PDD-NOS, SPD. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Don’t Walk Away

  1. BeccaC says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that. The social problems caused by M’s hearing loss are the hardest thing for me to see. But we’re working on it, and it’s getting better. He went to a birthday party yesterday and actually played with some of the kids for part of the time, instead of going off in his own world for the whole time. So we’re getting there. Sounds like things are getting a little bit better all the time for your special guy.

  2. Elastamom says:

    You keep fighting for him!!!

  3. Pingback: Found A Place | Brotherly Love

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