You were my second chance at bringing life into this world.
You were terrifying and amazing all in the same thought, the same breath.
I worked so hard to make things right. To do everything I could to make sure you arrived safely and healthy.
From the get go, your brother loved you. He couldn’t wait to meet you.
But, I could wait.
Everyday you stayed inside was a day more precious than the last.
You frightened me at 24 weeks when I started contractions.
My world was spiraling out of control again.
I could not lose you too.
You calmed down, my body calmed down and we let the weekly Progesterone shots work their magic.
Still, you were difficult.
You were breech until 2 weeks before you were born.
You kept the left side of your head firmly pressed against my ribs. To this day you wear a small flat spot there as a reminder.
You enjoyed stretching with your legs and feet straight downward. Let me tell you, my son, that was a pain I will never forget!
The contractions continued.
I learned to work through them, always mindful of any changes in them.
My hormone changes with you caused ocular migraines. No pain, but also no vision for 20-30 minutes. I was at a complete loss of what to do the first time it happened. But, like everything else with you, I learned to work through that too.
Your due date was Easter Sunday. I made mama swear that she would bring me a GOOD Easter dinner in the hospital!
Aunt Lynda joked that you’d be an April Fool’s baby.
Because you were breech a date was scheduled to deliver you. April 6th was the end date.
Amazingly, one very long, very painful night you turned.
I made the doctor promise to keep the date. The contractions were getting to be too much for me. I needed to know there was an end in sight.
I saw the doctor in the afternoon on 3/31.
That evening the contractions changed.
It was Friday during Lent. We were at the table eating egg salad sandwiches. Your brother was in his high chair next to me. Mama was counting time between contractions. Eli was breathing with me.
We called the doctor who said to come to the hospital. We called Nana and Papa to come and get Eli.
We’d had so many false alarms due to the ongoing contractions that the hospital didn’t want to admit me just yet.
Around midnight my water broke. I swear you punched your way out! There was a loud noise on the monitor and I could feel you moving.
Funny… They admitted me right after that.
I waited quite impatiently for 2 hours for the anesthesiologist to arrive for the epidural. I wanted to hate him for that but he made me feel so good that I couldn’t help but love him.
I think mama loved him too. I was getting
insanely a little cranky.
Around 4am the doctor said it was time to push.
You gave us a scare. With each push your heart rate dropped. When I stopped pushing your heart rate returned to normal.
Nurses rushed around getting any necessary equipment ready to take care of you should you have any problems. I tried not to worry.
When your shoulders cleared the doctor realized that you’d been holding your cord against your chest with both arms. Every time I pushed you squeezed your little life line.
Finally you were out. 4:36am. April Fool’s Day. Aunt Lynda still reminds me that she predicted it.
The doctor laid you on my belly and quickly covered you. I asked if you were a boy or girl. We didn’t find out and I was dying to know.
She smiled and said we’d have to look for ourselves.
And there you were. My sweet baby boy. Just as beautiful as could be.
In that instant my heart melted for a 5th time.
You were everything I’d hoped for. You arrived safely. You arrived healthy. We were all immediately in love with you.
Today, my dear son, you turn 5 years old.
What an amazing 5 years it’s been. We’ve watched you grow and learn. We’ve watched you become an amazing brother and an amazing son.
I look forward to watching you grow in the future and I dream about what you will become.
Enjoy your birthday my love, my dear sweet Keegan.