I’m the “why” girl.
I gotta know the reason.
I once took a trigonometry course (don’t ask me what I was thinking!) that I ended up dropping. I was getting an “A” but no one could tell me why I was doing what I was doing.
If I don’t understand I don’t move forward.
Don’t get me wrong. I can move forward based on faith and trust. However when it’s possible to give the concrete I need it. I crave it. I must have it.
I took time tonight to talk at length with Eli’s psychologist in anticipation of the upcoming school meeting next week. We talked about his progress over the last month. We talked about his needs. We talked about what to do next. Then we talked diagnosis.
My heart skipped a beat when she said that she doesn’t feel he has Anxiety Disorder. Yes, he has worries. No, it’s not a disorder that disables him. She’s billing insurance under the code of Anxiety-NOS because that’s what they usually pay for.
Ok, if not anxiety, then what? She agreed with a prior discussion we had that he’s Aspergerish, but not Asperger’s. He’s not Autism. He’s certainly sensory and has some other “spectrum” types of concerns. So what? Yep, you guessed it.
Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS)
And there it is. Our first Spectrum diagnosis.
I took it better than I thought I would. I suppose that’s partially because she didn’t know if that’s where he really fit either. She seemed to feel that his sensory concerns were the root of most of his concerns. But, because of the anxiety and the resistance to change she felt she needed to go one step further. She also wanted to make sure that we had something tangible for the school to be able to use.
So, we’ve joined the masses. Parents like us who don’t really have answers to the “why”. A diagnosis that doesn’t tell us much more than we already knew about our child. A diagnosis that lumps us in with the Autism folks, but we don’t really fit there. Much like our children, we don’t really fit anywhere neatly.
So, today we put our best foot forward and move into this new world that will hopefully see Eli getting the supports that he needs to succeed.
I truly enjoyed our drive home from the psychologist’s office today. Eli told me that his best parts of today were being with me and seeing his worry doctor. How can a mommy be upset about anything when these are the beautiful words she gets to hear?!?!