Shock Value

We met with the pediatrician today regarding all that has been going on with Eli.

I’ll start by saying that we were wise and made other arrangements for Keegan so that we could focus completely on Eli.  We didn’t tell Eli about the appointment until this morning when I told him I’d be picking him up early from school.  We arrived at the doctor’s office about 10 minutes before the appointment time and were able to go into a room shortly thereafter.

I wish doctor’s offices had video cameras.

We waited in the room for about 30 minutes before the doctor came in.  During that time Eli was making this growling sound every so many minutes.  He was clearly nervous.  He was climbing on me and squishing himself into me.  He was talking in his baby/whiny voice.  He was on the verge of tears one minute and yelling to leave the next.  He was running across the room and running into the wall.  He was hanging upside down from the chair.  He multiplied 5×3 and got 15 all because I spelled the word ophthalmologist and shared that it was 15 letters.  He looked up and said “oh, so 5×3 is 15?”.  That’d be the math that always seems to get him through.

Then the doctor walked in and Eli transformed into an angel.  He sat quietly in my lap ( he was pushing up against me but it wasn’t really noticeable).

Fortunately we have the most awesome pediatrician in the world!  He asked questions about our concerns.  He listened and made notes as we talked.  He shared with us a lot of things about neuro-genetics that I’m certain I still don’t completely understand.

At the end of it all he started talking medication.  He shared that when Eli’s behaviors are affecting his life in the ways that it is he will often prescribe very low doses of PROZAC.

Wait.  Could you stop talking for just a minute because I’m no longer listening to what you’re saying.  You just said put my kid on Prozac.  I JOKE about putting myself on Prozac and now you want me to make that a reality for my 6-year-old?

I looked at my honey and asked what she thought.  She had a very glazed over look and seemed as terrified as I was.  She told the pediatrician that she didn’t want to start with medication – there must be some other options.  I agreed.

The poor pediatrician looked shocked.  He said he thought that we had already gone through cognitive therapy and other interventions.  When I explained that the only therapy Eli has received was SI therapy he looked so apologetic.  Somewhere there was a miscommunication – either in what the nurse wrote or what I said.  He quickly changed his tune.

Tomorrow I will make a phone call to a pediatric psychologist to schedule an evaluation and possible cognitive therapy.

I am so very lucky to have made the friends that I have.  I truly believe that God puts people in your life for a reason.  Some of them stay for the long-term, some of them are there only for the moment that you need them.  But, they all serve a purpose.  My friend and Eli’s OT, Dr. Maureen, knew of a fantastic pediatric psychologist that she wanted me to call.  She has had many other clients see her in the past and everyone has loved her and had success with her.  So, I will call her tomorrow.

We left out of the room with the understanding that we would return in 1-2 months to determine progress and reevaluate the path we need to take.  As I stopped to make the appointment and pay my copay I happened to glance down at the billing sheet I was handing to the nurse.

Diagnosis: Sensory Processing Disorder, Anxiety Disorder

My heart almost stopped.  I almost started crying right then and there.

Yes, we took our son to see the doctor because he has anxiety and it makes his sensory concerns go mad.

The SPD diagnosis has been in place for 2 years so that didn’t get to me.

Seeing Anxiety Disorder written on paper is what nearly crippled me.  It really made me stop and think about the effects this could have on him.  I am an anxious person – I’ve mentioned that a time or two before here.  I know how I feel when I’m anxious about something – when I’m totally getting ready to go crazy off the deep end.  I ache to know that he is going through the very same thing or worse.

I read a lot of blogs about children with special needs.  It is my passion, and it is my life.  I hear a lot of parents say what I am feeling.  That they wish they could protect their child.  But they also say that they, like me, want every opportunity for their child.  It’s a balance that, I’m sure, tips very easily either way.  It’s a balance I’m finding harder and harder to hold steady.

About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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9 Responses to Shock Value

  1. Debbi Henry says:

    As you said to me, I want to get in my car and drive to you so I can give you a huge hug!
    The medication issue is a tough one. I resisted for a long time, but once I started the meds with Gracie, I was very happy with the results. However, I know other mothers who thought the meds didn’t help at all. It is a very hard issue and one that takes a lot of time and thought. I think that you are making a good choice to try a few other things first. (Why have I never heard of cognitive therapy??) Good luck with those other things you will try and I can’t wait to hear about the new psychologist.

    Getting a new diagnosis is always hard and it never gets easier. Just know that you are a wonderful mother to you son, and you are doing everything you can for him. That balance you are seeking, takes time and practice.

    Hugs to you, and remember that you are a strong, wonderful mother, and you are not alone!

  2. Jaimee says:

    I’m sending you hugs, too!! My son sounds a lot like yours. He has SPD and recently started meds for anxiety. It took us a long while to get to meds, but we saw changes within a week and a half that were very reassuring. Not saying that is what’s right for you, just that I understand your feelings! We had gotten to a point where our son was very oppositional to any therapy at all and we could not get any further with our other efforts (OT and weekly psychologist sessions just triggered explosion after explosion and our whole family was miserable). We’re hoping to be able to resume those things with more results in the near future now that our son is more at ease in general….I also understand feelings about knowing anxiety yourself and what your son might be going through. I have had big time anxiety struggles in the past.

    It’s hard to be a mom!

    • Eli is starting to become more defiant to therapy and interventions too because he knows that it makes him look different. I’m hoping that the cognitive therapy does wonders for him. I’m not opposed to medication if that’s what he truly needs. It’s helpful to hear that it has worked for your son. Thanks for your kind words and sharing your story.

  3. Elastamom says:

    I didn’t know or I would have given Jane a big hug and walked out to the car and squeezed you tight too! I just thought it was a check-up. Thinking of you all…thank goodness he has you two looking out for him!

  4. Mrs.Mayhem says:

    I’m sorry that hearing the doctor’s diagnosis was such a shock and so hurtful. I can empathize because I have had many of those moments with my own son (though for different reasons). Hopefully, the meetings with the other doctor will be comforting and enlightening.

    Hearing an unwanted diagnosis can be such a shock, but he’s still the same little boy you know and love, regardless of what is written in his file. Hugs to you.

  5. akbutler says:

    Oh, I felt like I was right there in the doctor’s office with you. I’m so sorry.

    I’ll be reading (as always) to see how things go these next few weeks. I have a feeling that we’ll be following in your footsteps and I want to learn from you (as always).


    • Alysia- I’ll certainly be sharing. You all are my support. I will hopefully be hearing back from the psychologist’s office on Monday about scheduling. I hope that we can be of help to you as you go forward. You have certainly helped to teach me a few things.

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