Looking Back

I’m not sure why.

I’m incredibly nostalgic this Christmas season.

It’s not out of character for me.  I love Christmas more than anything.

I love to go all out making a fantastic meal for Christmas day for my family to enjoy.  I love to get up at the crack of dawn and watch my boys’ eyes light up when they see what Santa brought them.  I love being lazy on the couch all day with A Christmas Story on the tv in the background.  I love the lights.  I love the music.

I heard the song The Christmas Shoes on the radio today.

I listen to Christmas music while I shop on Black Friday and it doesn’t go off my car radio until after Christmas day.  Yes, I’m that person.

Anyway, I was in tears this morning.  I heard this song and was quickly transported to the hospital in Iowa Falls where my sister passed away.  I could see her face, her hair, her frail body.  I saw my BIL and my nephew.  I thought about their Christmas last year – the first without her.  My BIL called me to find out what traditions we had as kids.  He wanted to continue anything that would keep my sister in their home.

I miss her.

I know that it’s been 18 months.  I know that I’ve shed a lot of tears – happy and sad – remembering all that was.  I wouldn’t change a thing for her.  She was so sick.  But this year I miss her more than ever.

So I’m doing my best to look back.  To remember all of the fun we had together.  To look forward to seeing her smile on my nephew’s face when I see him next month.

It’s a downer of a post, I know.

But I want to take this moment to remind everyone to cherish the ones you love.  Tell them you love them.  Hold them close to you.  Don’t be afraid to hug them, kiss them, take 5 minutes to say hello whenever you can.  You never know when that person will no longer be here for you to share that with.

I’m fortunate in that I don’t regret a moment.  My sister and I shared everything.  I was lucky to be able to spend time with her and say my goodbyes before she left.  Not everyone is as lucky.

This holiday season force yourself to make up with that friend you’ve been bickering with.  Call that family member that kind of annoys you.  Find the good and make things right.  You will feel so much better and be able to fill yourself with so much more holiday cheer.

I’m done now.  I’m wiping the tears away.  It’s time to smile – to share the good.  Thanks to you all for listening.  It means a lot.

My nephew’s 1st Christmas 2005


About Brotherly Love

I am a mom, partner, teacher and a lover of life. I have two fabulous boys who define my life as I know it. One of my children has been diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder, Asperger's and anxiety disorder. I blog as much about him as I do about my life and the lives of my immediate family.
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6 Responses to Looking Back

  1. Alysia says:

    ah Heather. This is a beautiful tribute to your sister and a lovely picture of her family. You know I know how you feel this time of year. Definitely a time to hold our loved ones close and remind them why they are so special.

  2. I’m so sorry, Heather. For some reason, I didn’t know she’d died so recently–of course you are still reeling. Thinking of you.

  3. Elastamom says:

    She looks so much like you…and has your smile. I’m glad you are remembering her…I’m sure she’d want that. {{{Heather}}}

  4. Mrs.Mayhem says:

    Christmas is a time for great joy, but it also brings the reminder of who is missing. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s wonderful that you have no regrets in your relationship, and that you were able to help your brother-in-law to carry on her holiday traditions for their son.

  5. Debbi Henry says:

    Thinking of you Heather….
    That is a wonderful picture of your sister and her family. How nice that you have a good relationship with your brother in law and nephew. I hope that can give you some comfort.
    Hugs to you!

  6. Kate says:

    Time is a gift. Too often we forget just how fleeting it is.

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