I believe you’re there, I really do.
I’m not sure if I want to call you God, but you know I’m talking to you.
I’m feeling the need for a little “why me” pity party. I don’t think I’ve had such a party in a while so I’m due. If I have, then please just ignore me. We’ll chalk it up to the hormones talking.
I got an email from Eli’s teacher today. Thanks, by they way, for bringing her to us. She’s amazing.
Anyway, the email said that Eli had a really rough day and she wanted to let me know.
Here’s the deal. It’s October. The month that he always seems to get a little crazy. Then he’s challenged with some sort of mysterious insect bite. Finally he’s tossed right over the edge by being tardy to school today because of a doctor appointment to treat said insect bites.
Really? Could you cut the kid some slack? I can’t even begin to imagine how hard he works, day in and day out, just to hold it together for a moment. He “gets” that he’s different from the other kids. He tries really hard to fit in. Do the hits really have to keep on coming?
And while we’re talking about one hit after another…
You mess me up medically after I just get back on my feet emotionally. You know that anything medical automatically sends my anxiety through the roof – doesn’t matter if it’s really minute. You’ve got me worried about Eli and if we’re doing all the right things for him. Ordinarily I’d be chatting with my sister about all this. You saw it fit to save her from the pain she was in and bring her to your home. I’m ok with that, I really am. I truly miss her, but I’m not angry. But, did you really have to pick now to tell me that I’m not allowed to talk to my best friend? I do have family and I talk to them often. I need that outside person to give me the full perspective though. Because of the circumstances that person is not available to me until further notice.
All that to say that the control junkie needs some control back in her life!
You created me – certainly not equal to most. If the rest of humanity were as crazy as me… Well, let’s just not think about that!
Because you created me you KNOW that I need that control. I need to have something that I decide.
So here it is…
I’m taking a tip from Elastamom and just saying “NO”. There will be NO soccer in November. There will be NO addition to therapy. There will be NOthing new taken on at work. Swimming will be put off until December.
We will return to the mundane. The daily life of chores, and Lego’s, and reading stories, and snuggling on the couch to popcorn and movie night, and jumping on the trampoline, and playing soccer in the backyard, and baking cookies, and the list goes on.
I need to put the crazy back in the pretty little box it came in.
I expect you to understand and make all the medical chaos just a really bad dream. Make me be that lady that worries for nothing so that I can smile and be happy I’m healthy as a horse.
I also expect October to end and take Eli’s crazy box with it. The crazy tends to get him for 2 months of the year. IF that’s all crazy wants then I’m willing to concede… IF… But, that means that Halloween night I better see some pretty little bags packed and waiting on the front porch for the Harry Potter flying car to come and take them away. Goodbye crazy, see you in April…
It’s not your fault, I get that. It’s just so much easier, though, to point the finger at you than to try to figure it out on my own.
I guess that’s all. Pity party over. The last balloon just popped. You have a big list of honey do’s and so do I.
Thanks for providing me with the voice to say NO and the box in which to pack the crazy away. I’m planning to send it your way first class very soon.