I did today what all good parents do. I took my boys to the pediatrician. I prayed they would not need steroids for what I knew was poison ivy all over their little bodies.
We got the first appointment available – 8:10 this morning. Bright and early = no long wait!
We arrived a couple of minutes late (none of us are morning people!) and signed in. Keegan had to use the bathroom, which is conveniently located in the waiting room. Eli wandered around rhyming while Keegan used the bathroom. Keegan climbed across the furniture. I asked them both to please sit and wait for the nurse to come get us.
Eli proceeded to climb onto a round table located between two chairs. He gathered his body into a half lotus and folded his hands together in a prayer positon. I inquired about his positioning. He promptly shushed me and said he was meditating. He stayed that way with a gentle breathing pattern until the nurse arrived! Perhaps he has found a new way to calm himself!!
The nurse arrived and escorted us back to the room. I walked in with the boys and immediately knew that it would be an interesting visit. The nurse had put us in the room with the exam table with stirrups. I have very observant boys – they would eventually notice the difference in the table.
The nurse asked us why we were there.
Because my children have a Y chromosome and refuse to stay out of the freaking ditch! Because my little angels woke up yesterday morning with this rash all over their faces, necks, bellies and legs. Ok, I’ll get the doctor.
The doctor came in and of course it was the same lovely doctor we had the LAST time we were in for poison ivy. “Back again I see!” as she giggled just a little too happily… “Do we know where the poison ivy is at?” Yep, it’s in the
freaking ditch! And my angels REFUSE to stay out of the freaking ditch!
Wait…. This doesn’t look like poison ivy. Wait a minute – could you repeat that?? This doesn’t look like poison ivy. Did they get into anything else? Were they swimming? Oh, they were on the slip and slide over the weekend AND they were sword fighting with milk weeds (they really are creative!). You know…. I’m not really sure what this is. I’m going to go get another doctor. This looks almost like it could be viral…
Hello! Did you really just say viral and unknown origin to the girl with high anxiety?? Instantly the scene in Monsters, Inc. flashed in my mind. You know, the scene where the monsters in the Hazmat suits rush in and cover the contaminated item before blowing it to smithereens? Only it was my children that I saw being rushed to the hospital and surrounded by large strangers in intimidating Hazmat suits taking them into quaranteen while the nearby nurses are frantically phoning the Center for Disease Control to find out the protocol for the bizarre rash that has taken over my children! Breathe Heather! Just breathe!
In walks the original physician with yet another physician. They look over Eli first. They point out the bug bites (dozens), the eczema (elbows and backs of his knees) and the rash that doctor #2 is labeling “contact dermatitis of unknown origin.” She moved away to Keegan and began to look him over. He receives the “contact dermatitis” label as well.
While doctor #2 and doctor #1 are discussing what they think about this crazy rash of unknown origin, my little Eli begins to explore. He finds those stirrups that stick out like a sore thumb. Pulls one of them out and opens it. He places his face into the stirrup and declares to doctor #2 “look at me! I look like Iron Man!”
And that, ladies, is why you should have your Pap test annually. That lovely table was not designed by just any man (because we all knew it was designed by a man!). That lovely table was designed by a Super Hero!
Oh, and for those of you wondering…. My prayers were answered and we have NO steroids for my little people. We left the office with instructions for Benedryl and Hydrocortisone. The boys were already looking better this afternoon:)